MMS power: Go get it!

We all have seen MMSes... Most of us love them (although secretly). Every time you see a good college mms, you tell to yourself-“Yar, wish I was there with this ****...” But, if wishes were whoreses, everyone would have one (did I just say “whore”ses?). So the fact remains that being an mms star is a privilege of a chosen few. Not everyone has what it takes to be an mms star.
Take for example the latest ATM mms doing the rounds. Before you let loose your wild imagination, let me tell you that this mms doesn’t feature a guy humping a poor ATM machine which refused to deliver cash. It actually has a guy, and a girl loving each other in the way Adam and Adam’s best friend’s girlfriend loved each other. How many of you would dare to do that? The maximum you could think of is peeing in the ATM, but most of you were afraid of getting caught by the CCTV. Not this couple. They went in the ATM, and did things which has given a hole(read it whole) new meaning to the word ATM-Any Time Moaning.
Sure they knew about those cameras inside. But dressing down in front of it was their way of saying- “You filthy CCTV! I find you everywhere these days. And so am not going to be cowed down by you! Shoot me if you can!”
That’s exactly what the cam did. And instantly, two motley morons became online sensation!
The first famous Campus mms was from DPS R.K puram. But the ones made by our campus love doves makes that one look like Finding Nemo(wasn’t that poor girl trying to find “nemo” all the time in that mms?). The MMSes now are quite mature in their depiction of love. Take for example the “Khatiya” mms. In this clip, the guy and the girl are relaxing after a tiring session. You can see a lot of love in their eyes (or was the expression just for the camera?). The other mms-“Paying guest room clip” was a rather long one. I was quite bored with the guy’s ability to keep the girl all dressed up for a better part of that 45 minute long marathon. Was he trying to show how long he could last? Because all of us saw that the real action was over in less time than what it takes to cook maggi! Such MMSes are called “pakau” and “dhokebaj” mms. Still it was better than that schoolgirl scandal. At least the lead actress was better in this one.
The point here is that MMSes are like IPL franchisees... if you own one, you are a hit (ask the MMS stars in your colleges, they will tell you how their fortunes have changed since that fateful upload). But just like in case of IPL franchisees, not everyone can own one.
So here’s a small lesson on “How to make MMS and titillate people”

For girls: You either need to have a rich spoilt boyfriend (like raj kundra) or a powerful boyfriend (aka Tweeter Tharoor) who can get you some “sweat” equity in return of the sweating you do in bed. Only such powerful and brave guys can take you to a hotel, apartment or ATM and make you a star overnight.

For guys: Be yourself. That should be enough to make you an mms star.

P.S: Guys, please hide your faces in the video like the yesteryear mms icons. It makes the whole experience of watching a lot more enjoyable.

The smooch is on the loose!!!

Ummmm puchhhhhh...slurp..burp..slurp...fartt...
That’s not me after a chicken bucket. This is Sound of Smooch that is on loose in our campus. This recent trend, brought in by some foreign students has been picked up by our very own Desi daredevils. They don’t miss one opportunity to lock their horn’y’ lips in public places. It’s their way of saying, “I can kiss my girl in public. Can you”? My question is-Why should i kiss your girl in public? Aren’t you enough?
The sound made by the transfer of gutka and lipstick laden saliva and the groping hands that try to map the anatomy of each other’s bodies sometimes makes people say-“Why don’t they get a room”? My question is-Why should they waste on a room for something that can be done in phokat(free)?Why the non-smoochers have a problem? Is it because it’s them who are smooching and not you? Or is it because they don’t allow you to smooch? Or, is it because the ones being smooched are the ones you thought would never be smooched by anyone?
Instead of feeling disgusted at this PDA (Public Display of Affection), Mahapurush suggests you to do the following:
!. Use the camera of your blackberries. You paid for it! Try it’s video capturing feature too. And there’s a plethora of websites where you can upload them. This will serve as an inspiration to other smoochers.
!!. Add spices from your own imagination, extrapolate and exaggerate what you see. Gossip is the best remedy against sleep diseases induced by lectures.
!!!. Start passing lewd comments. This will give the much needed push to the smoochers to take their escapades to the next level-escapades. After all,who doesn’t like to watch young hornies making out?(provided they are not your own bfs or gfs)

Go Smoochers Go!!! The world is your stage. Play the game. Play it dirty. Play it hard. We are watching...And we are lovin it ;)

Facehole regional Farto...

Here’s a mail I received from one of my disciples (read friends) studying in one of the numerous “India’s No.1 pvt universities” .
Mahapurush ji ko charan sparsh.
Sir,
I am writing this letter to you because I am depressed with the attitude of one of our teachers. This guy seems to be a tadpole in a hole. The other day, few of us wished him Happy Holi, and he made a face similar to the appearance of my ass when it’s trying hard during constipation and farted on us telling-“We don’t celebrate holi here”. The next day when we wished him Happy Ugadi (Telugu New Year), he action replayed the same fart. I don’t get it Mahatma Ji...Why is he so pissed of everything? Is everyone here like him? Please guide my agitated soul because I feel tempted to kick his a** (read face).
Yours faithfully
Chaggan Chiggy wiggy .

This was my reply to him:
Dear Chiggy wiggy,
The world is place full of faceholes(read a**) like your teacher. He and many other think that they are intelligent. But believe me, they are not even “artificially intelligent”. They live in a world that ceased to exist in 16th century. They are remnant of an endangered species called “Regional fartos”.
If you look around, you will find that most of your friends, be it North or South Indians celebrate holi ,ugadi,pongal,diwali ,etc with equal fanfare. Don’t you cheer for Chennai Super Kings in the IPL? Many of my fellow mahatmas are from South and they have hots for Preity and Shilpa.They do tapasya for the victory of Rajasthan Royals and Kings Eleven in the hope that the two ladies will do a Saurav ganguly by waving their shirts in air. Does this make my friends lesser Tamilian or telugu?? Nope.
And don’t let that facehole teacher of yours poison your mind. There’s every possibility that his son will marry a telugu girl and she will then celebrate ugadi at his home or his wife will run away with a bihari paying guest(Just keep yourself updated with the latest scandals on Debonairblog...they will be the first ones to come out with any mms involving his wife.) As far as your desire for kicking his a** is concerned, just forget it...I am very sure he is so f***ed up, he won’t even know if a train passes through it..;)
***********LET PEACE AND UNITY PREVAIL************

My name is Mahapurush...

This story is of that day when i saw her in the chemistry lab. She was beautiful,she was lovely, she smiled and l i dropped the test tube. The lab attendant appeared from nowhere and said ,” Ennada! Rs 400 fine ra.” He glared at me, i stared at the test tube trying to fathom which part of it was in gold or platinum to make it worth 400 bucks. Unable to understand this just like the topics in my syllabus,i quickly shifted to the topic i am good at-“oglology”. I stared and stared until the girl hid behind her table. I AM NOT A QUITTER..i started staring at her shoes beneath the table. I smiled at my persistence while she and her friends gave me nasty looks.
“DESPO”!!! The world measures the time period in B.C and A.D. That day, a new division was created for me- Pre Despo and post Despo. I stopped looking at girls (even at those girls who are fat and buffalo-like and those who are ultra thin and man-like). Wherever i went, the tag of being a despo followed. Ya Khuda! Is it a crime to admire your creations without any evil intentions? Don’t girls stare at handsome heroes?? Are they called despo? Then why me?? Just because I am a GUY doesn’t make me a Despo. In the UnHoly Book Of Love,Ch 2 verse 69 its clearly written-“ Thou shall look at all beautiful damsels as thy looketh butterflies-with passion, love and desire to hold.” Then why do people misinterpret the teachings? Why is a whole sex being targeted for the wrongdoings of a few rathores and khans? My friends have deserted me. Few of them have been spat upon and beaten up by self proclaimed ugly brothers of beautiful girls.They say this happened because I am their friend. I can’t bear this.I want to talk about it to the president sahib(President of Playboy). I want to tell him-“ MY NAME IS MAHAPURUSH..AND I AM NOT A DESPO.”..

SO CHEAP!!

"God! These guys you know?How cheap they are!Saale aise dekhte hai jaise kabhi ladki dekhi hi nahi!Why do they have to stare everytime?I feel like being x-rayed."
My gutter...i mean utter symapthy to the tortured,tormented and scanned beauty queens.
What wrong have they committed?agreed,most of them who indulge in this kind of outburst wear "innovative" kind of drapes(read dresses).But isn't that what's gender equality is all about?
Guys! don't we go to canteen in shorts? Have the girls ever stared at you unless you bumped your head in a pillar while daydreaming about one of them? Agreed their shorts are shorter than ours.This surely isn't an excuse for giving those Shakti Kapoor type of expressions! And what is with that mouth opening wide open everytime your dreamgirl passes by?Don't you know about the millions of microbes floating in the atmosphere? Stop staring yar!And if you can't ,atleast start wearing dark glasses.They make you look uber cool and rich unless you are a Tushaar kapoor lookalike.

But ladies,i have a small doubt. Is Chennai too hot to keep the shorts a little long? ;)

They think of CAT..we dream of Kat...

After watching ‘AVATAR’,I feel one with the N’avi people.Poor souls..they lived in harmony with nature,infact loved it to the extent that their communication with trees and animals involved “insertion” of their tentacles into that of the trees(creepy..ehh).
Its almost the same with us-THE LOSERS,THE “NOT” 9 POINTERS,THE INELLIGIBLES.Sure we don’t have tentacles,but we do love nature and her creations.
While they-THE WINNERS,THE 9 POINTERS,THE ELLIGIBLES eat and sleep C,C++(wonder if their obsession with “+ve” will make them happy with an HIV+ve score too!), we are busy admiring wonderful specimens of the Holly(wood) father.
They think of CAT,we dream of Kat. They study JAVA..We case study at JAVA GREEN.
They are the blue-eyed cynosure of the department..we are toh like that only. We are the perennial chips munchers between the lectures.They are the answers that confuse the lecturers.
They launch satellites,we launch rockets from the 7th floor. But but Butt..err read the 3rd butt as but..WE THE LOSERS ARE LIKE THIS ONLY. Unnatural things like GPA card,scholarships and mundane lectures are anything butt exciting for us.How can a normal gut with no gay tendencies get excited by few 9’s in a piece of paper?
We are Yogis. Unaware of the distractions around us,we concentrate on girls in same way as Adam concentrated on Eve. Thanks to us,beauty parlors are having a great run transforming “jassi’s” into “jenny’s”.
Without us,the world would be such an alien land...Thank Us!

Beauty lies in the LIES of beholder..

Awesome pic sweety! U lukin cute :) Hey!u have grown sooo slim! Nice dress!
Thanks dear *blush* *blush*.
Sounds familiar? Then you must be the latest victim of "Facebook Lies".
The girl uploads any silly picture on The "Social Notworking Site"(If you are on FB,you are surely not working) and a flood of comments follow.No matter how scary the photo is,3 types of people are sure to LIKE and Comment on it.They are:
a)Guys who find every strange looking girl beautiful.
b)Girls who are equally queer in appearance and nature.
c)Jobless bloggers like me who just want to laugh on such SODpanthi(Self Obsessive Disorder).

Its all lies,white lies,black lies,fluorescent and magenta lies.
But tell it to the girl in question(whose "Beauty" no one dare question) and she will blast you and brand you as a loser who is jealous because she didn't accept his proposal(The only proposal he might have ever put forward was "Can we split the expenses equally"?)

Some people might actually like to live in their blissful "Pandora" where no one speaks the truth.But the truth is "Beauty lies in the LIES of beholder..".

GUYS HAVE BIGGER HEARTS THAN GIRLS

It's 4 pm and i am sipping lemon juice(that's the cheapest one i could find in our juice corner).The canteen area is brimming with boys,girls and few girls who like like boys n vice-versa.Suddenly a realisation dawns upon me-GUYS HAVE BIGGER HEARTS COMPARED TO GIRLS(no offence to the fairer sex which has always been unfair to boys).

I saw boys of all types admiring girls of all types(even those whose type is undefined).beautiful ladies,everyone stares at them(oogle is a dirty n cheap word,so i won't use it..or did i just use it!).Even those girls who looked straight out of a chemotherapy session could find a few admirers(again..refrain from using words like ooglers).That's guys for u..large hearted(& ususally empty pocketed like me).

But i couldnt see the girls showing this magnanimity.Only those boys who had wasted a portion of their precious life sweating out in gym to get"biscuits" in their abdomen(I still wonder why don't they simply buy it from groccery shop instead of wasting time in a gym where females aren't permitted..height of discrimination!) found a few oogles from girls(ya right..they were OOGLING).
A few boys who wear a shirt over three t-shirts to get "instant biceps" were able to fool a few girls.
The remaining majority of us who treat gym as "nark ka darwaza" and wearing 3 shirts as blasphemy are left in the lurch.With all the great talent to spot beauty in the canteens instantly that boys have,it's heart-wrenching that girls can't be as generous as boys.

I salute the selfless nature of GUYS!

3 Idiots-The best Gay movie ever

Stand aside Brokeback Mountain..3 idiots has arrived!
Hollywood,with all it’s“open culture” ranting has been told loud and clear by our very own Bollywood that “Rishte mein toh hum tohar Paa lagte hai”.
All those who have seen angrezi films with a gay overtone(no!not the naughty America stuff) will swear by their “tohfas” that 3 idiots beats them with a large margin.
Never before has any movie been able to show guys telling to other guys” jahapanah..tohfa kubul kijiye!”.In theatre,i could see some “special” kinda boys clinging and hiding in their boyfriend’s arms whenever this scene came on screen.It gave rise to mixed emotions inside my heart.On one hand i was happy to see more n more guys turning gay.this means less competition for not-so-adventurous guys like us who still are of “purane khayalat” and like girls.On the other hand i was terrified thinking what if such guys appear in our hostels and start offering their tohfas!!
It’s high time two or more guys are not made to share the same room. Some “tohfas” are better left under wraps..

DIVIDED WE GREW...UNITED IN LOO....

Religions: Hindus,Muslims,etc etc
Castes: harijan,bahujan,bhajan,durjan,etc
Classes: slumdog,bulldog,me,etc
Look around u people.So many divisions among the HOMOS(homo sapiens).
And i haven’t even started with the linguistic, chauvinistic, funtastic states of our country.
But there’s one thing that unites us all.it’s the omnipresent,ultra essential,utterly comforting,enchantingly engrossing LOO.
Be it the rich or the poor,capitalist or communist,everyone visits the loo religiously.even the most constipated mortals try out their “rotten” luck at this “equaliser of all beings”.
This is one place where from the stiff upper lipped Victorian to the “loose character” serial kisser shed all their “burden” without inhibitions.
It is at this great place that we all clear our minds and tummies of all that is waste(SAB MOH MAYA HAI BHAI). So,the next time you step in this “blissdom”,spare a few moments to realise and acknowledge that no matter how many reasons we find to segregate & fight each other,THE ULTIMATE TRUTH ,the FINAL FrONTIER is nothing but a PIECE OF CRAP.
:Mahapurush mahatma.

CAMPUS KI KAHANIYA

Hello friends,finally the wait is over.I know none of u were waiting for this.But nonetheless,the wait is over.
I am a struggling blogger.Unable to find readers for my blog,i resorted to what Mithun Chakraborty did to popularise his son’s debut film.I started visting my own blog time and again to increase the number of views.
But i fared only a little better than mithun.i managed only around 10 more viewers to my blog than his son’s movie(11 to be precise).
Friends,thanks to your “I DON’T GIVE A DAMN TO UR BLOG” attitude,I am a changed guy now.So,bye bye to Ramnand sagar type of moral writing & hello! To stories of love,life,passion ,betrayal & betrayal(number of betrayals is always double to that of love).
Here’s a list of FAQ’s about “CAMPUS KI KAHANIYA” which will initiate you into my world of moral biting..err..writing.

1)What is “CAMPUS KI KAHANIYA”?
ANS: It’s a MISNOMER! It’s MY BLOG! I WILL WRITE ANYTHING I WANT. Even those things that i observe at railway stations,public toilets and private parties.You aare not even supposed to think that they happened outside the campus!
2)Why “CAMPUS KI KAHANIYA”?
Ans: B’cos if i write “CAMPUS KI KALIYYAN” or “COLLEGE MEIN KARTUT”,I will be rusticated and also sued by the great MAST RAM for plagiarism(U rock man!)
3)What should u expect in “CAMPUS KI KAHANIYA”?
Ans:If u are looking for gossips n masala,GET LOST! Here u will find 100% real stories with an added 50% imaginative,interesting and at times,slightly “THOSE” type of stuff.I will generously use double meaning terms which u will understand better than any language u know.
4) what are the readers supposed to do?
Ans: ENJOY! N if u feel like commenting,do comment.If u have something u think is fit to be in this blog,mail it to me.I will publish it under my name ;)

Stay tuned for the next update. :)