Guddi ka gussa.

Blessings to my devotees. Brothers and chicks of Indian colleges, you might not be wondering why I have stopped my sermons. It’s because some people have accused me of being a sexist. I tried to reason with them by saying that I might be sexy, but am surely not sexist(unless “sexist” means being vigorously and adamantly interested in sex with the opposite sex). I got a few hate femails too. This particular girl lambasted me and here’s whatever little I remember from her lengthy dialogs:

Hello Ji,
I am Guddi, a student of deemed university. I rode your blog, its vary dirty. What s**t you write about girls? I am sure someone ditch-ed you.Or maybe you are one of those chikna guys who like guys. What you call them huh? Gay something na? Yess you must be gay. Because all guys I know, love me. And I am not vary beautiful,still they love me from their heart. I am vary fair, like Cutrina. Face cutting not very good(still I like look like Eesha dewal). You make fun of girls na? You tell we “nachao” guys on our “ishara”. You make fun of girls with big booty and also with small booty, bloddy my Jooti!!! What you think huh? See me? I don’t have big booty, still guys dig me (literally and illiteraly ).And don’t you dare tell that they love me because I am rich and have a car! If it was so, they would sit on the cushion instead of me when we go to disco in my car.

You say girls don’t have big hearts. Cum with me! I will show you my friends. They have bigger hearts than Silk Smitha(R.I.P babe)

You donkeyhole “dhongi” mahatma! You say ugly girls take ugly photos from side angle and upload on FB and then other ugly girls say aaawwww, umaaah, chumaah!!! Sala kaminaah! Open your ears and listen! No girl is ugly! We are naturally bootyfull! You guys are only ugly. Most of you are sukhandi,like bamboo stick. Others are like inflated balloon sold during mela. What nonsense physique! Can’t you people look normal like Tom(Cruise) and (Prince) Harry? You moron d***s!

You also telling that we call boys cheap but enjoy their stares! You think us to be bar girls or what? Don’t you have mother sister in home? Your thinking is so cheap! Ever heard the word “Global Warming”? You angootha chaap! Its so hot nowadays. You want us to wear burkha or what? Even cold countries like France banned burkha. You old mentality machoist rascal!

The next time you dare write anything derogatory about my species, I will see you outside! And I will also organize Slut walk in front of your ashram you sexist!
Hating you,
Yours neither faithfully nor unfaithfully
Guddi.